A Conversation
By: Gideon Wildflower
A: There you go again.. Making the same old dumb ass mistakes..
B: Not the time old man, not the time nor the place..
A: chuckles You young niggers kill me, always looking for perfection. Let me tell you something, you stupid motherfucker, you gon’ fuck around and fuck up “alright” looking for “ideal”.
B: What? What the fuck are you talking about?
A: You wanna know why I married my wife? You wanna know why I’m still married?
B: No.
A: I married my wife because I settled down. And you know what settling down is? It’s settling nigger. It’s fucking settling. I’m still married because I’m a settled nigger.
B: No. What you are is a sad excuse for a nigger. That’s what you are.
A: Then do better.
B: I will.
A: Don’t look like it.
B: Fuck you.
A: laughs
B: I just… I just don’t understand why the bitch can’t see what’s right in front of both of our faces.
A: She can.
B: So why can’t we talk about it?
A: You think my wife is perfect?
B: I know your wife ain’t perfect.
A: You damn right, little nigger. So you want to know what I do when she shows how unbalanced she is?
B: looks away … Balance.
A: That’s right. You wanna know what I do?
B: What?
A: I run. I run and hide. And I make sure I stay hidden.
B: Where do you hide?
A: Only one place to hide.
B: In your…
A: That’s right. In your head. And don’t get me wrong! I love my wife. Bitch’ll sure make a nigger feel good. But that’s where I stay. In my head.
B: But how can I be close to her? How can we have a partnership if I can’t say what’s on my mind? You don’t hide from the people you’re close to..
A: Those are the people you hide from the most! You hide from everyone. Either they’re incapable of understanding or they just plain don’t want to. -thoughtful look- Damn… that bout sounds like the same thing don’t it?
B: Shit bout makes me want to cry.
A: laughs I’ll admit, sometimes running gets hard. Some people have the tendency towards inclination. Like you and me. We cut from the same cloth boy. We both look up. All the time. But you can’t deal with what’s up there. What’s up there is all in your head. You down here in the funk, in the stink and decay of everyone else’s fear, and you have to run.
B: I wasn’t made for all this running.
A: And nobody knows it better than me. See, we’re one and the same. But I’ll tell you what you were made for.. you were made to survive. And you know how you gon’ survive?
B: ….
A: C’mon. Say it.
B: -mutters- Running.
A: Damn straight!
B: Why the fuck should I listen to you, huh? Why should I follow your advice? Look at where you at!
A: Naw boy. Look at where you’re going.
Silence
A: See that. You gon’ let your ideals kill you.
B: I just want to keep my integrity.
A: -scoffs- Nigger, don’t you know that’s the first thing they take? Do you even know what integrity is?
B: Standing behind what you say.
A: Damn straight. Now how can a nigger stand behind what he says when all he knows are lies.
B: I’m trying to learn the truth.
A: You can try all you want to! You can try until your knuckles bleed from the effort! You can try until your eyes roll back into your skull and it won’t mean a damn thing! Because you’ll be one. Dead. Nigger.
B: What?
A: See that, that’s the trick. They killed integrity by killing everyone who has it. They see it like a disease that needs to be eradicated. It’s because niggers with integrity can’t be controlled. Niggers with the truth own themselves. They’ve even made it so that other niggers don’t like a nigger who owns himself. Cause all a nigger who owns himself does when he walks into a room is remind every other nigger in there that they’re enslaved. And if it’s one thing slaves can’t do.. it’s think about their enslavement. Because man is meant to be free. To own himself!
B: How can you know that? How can you possibly know that and still be who you are?
A: Because I want to live.
B: This shit ain’t living.
A: And it damn sure ain’t death… But you wanna know something?
B: What’s that?
A: I ask myself the same question all the time. Sometimes I can’t bear the sight of my face in the mirror. And you know what I do when it gets like that?
B: What?
A: I think about you.
B: Pssh.
A: Shut the fuck up. I think about you and how you can even exist in a world like this. Cause see here right now little nigger, this world ain’t meant for you.. and you are this world’s only hope.
B: You talk all that good shit. And then tell me to run.
A: Because I want you to live. I want you to choose your battles wisely. Because there’s a whole lot out there to be fought and not too many motherfuckers like us, not too many fighters..
Silence
B: I understand. It’s just hard, you know?
A: Hell yeah it is. You’re gonna want to connect. Every inkling in you screams for it. But you’ve got to fight that shit. You want love, trust, and mutual respect? That kind of relationship can only exist in you! You gotta learn to hide from the people you’re closest to. They are the most dangerous. Cause they all got the same intent but the ones who are closer… the ones who are closer have the means to get the job done.
B: Yeah.
A: laughs I’ma tell you something though. I ain’t never been no religious man. Wanna know why?
B: Why?
A: Cause if there is a hell… I can’t imagine it being much worse than this. No sir.
A pulls out two beers. Hands one to B.
A: Here, have a beer with me.
They both open and drink, in deep thought.
A: laughs “I love you and one day I’ll want to fuck someone else” .. Ha! I can’t believe you said that shit to her.
B: It’s the truth.
A: That ain’t got a damn thing to do with anything.
FIN
